Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
