i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
