Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
