Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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