No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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