I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
