I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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