So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
