he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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