I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
