Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
