GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
