By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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