Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize