My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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