I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize