he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
