just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
