My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
