i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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