its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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