PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize