What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
