After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize