I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
