Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
