I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
