after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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