Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
