We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
