he shaved USA in his pubs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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