Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
