What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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