honey bunches of taint.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
