All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
