Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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