May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So squirting runs in the family.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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