The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
