Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can you bring me the toilet please
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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