Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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