I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize