The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
