The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
