people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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