i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize