Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
