I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize