Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
