He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize