My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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