just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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