I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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