somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
