i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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