Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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