HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
