And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
