My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
